Valentines Day: The Black Licorice of Corny Holidays

Valentines Day is like black licorice. People either love it or hate it. I happen to love it. Even when I was single, I always found other single friends to celebrate with. A lot of people think it’s a marketing scheme to drive sales for candy and card companies. I think it’s a fun day to celebrate with champagne, my favorite color red, hearts and people you love (Whether it’s your significant other or your best girlfriends.)

Even as a little girl, my favorite school holiday was Valentines Day. Every year, I would get an old shoebox, bedazzle it with pink sequins and red glitter and cut a hole in the top to use as my own personal “mailbox.” I would make valentines out to each of my classmates, and put special messages in the ones addressed to the cute boys in my class.

I loved dumping out my mailbox when I got home to find suckers and Hershey kisses taped to The Little Mermaid, Barbie, Gem and Care Bears themed valentines from the girls, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and GI Joe from the boys.

I love cutting hearts out of red construction paper and gluing doilies to the back.

I love conversation candy hearts.

I love the colors pink, red, white and purple.

I love flowers.

I love LOVE.

Ready to puke yet? I’m a sap. I can’t help myself. Well, for those of you who hate the holiday, I want to add a little humor to your day. My coworkers and I came across this site called WTF, Pintertest? Here, you will find the craziest of the cray pins. And in here, I found the CRAZIEST Valentines Day gifts. The types of gifts that make you say WTF?! For example,

Who wouldn’t LOVE a 5ft long bear? Oh, and it’s ONLY $99. For kids, maybe. But for grown women? Either don’t spend the $99 at all, or spend it on something a tad bit more practical. I need to take a Claritin just to watch this video. Hello, dust allergy city!

Or how about this sexy lingerie? Wait… what?? Nothing says sexy like looking like you’re wearing a colored maxi pad.  I would really like to know how this thing stays in place. It’s just wrong. So wrong. But this is for real. You can actually buy this. And the scary thing is, there are people out there RIGHT NOW probably wearing this under their clothes, or worse, to the beach.

Now, I’ve heard of edible underwear before, but beef jerky underwear? How romantic. All I can think of while looking at this is, It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

You’ll find more if you go on the site, but these were three of my favorites.

And in case you’re not completely in the Valentines Day spirit yet, I have a little something something for you… Hell yes, Michael Bolton. Because after all, love IS a wonderful thing.

I dare you NOT to sing along and clap your hands to arguably, one of the most awful songs of the 90s….

J Laz, this one’s for you…